AND THE ACADEMY AWARD GOES TO

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If you know me at all, you know that I take the Oscars very seriously. Drinking games, betting pools, gowns to be judged, good looking people and lots of champagne. These are a few of my favorite things…

Last year, I guessed all the major categories correctly- including Lee and more importantly, ARGO.

So without further ado, here are my predictions for this year. Disclaimer: I have not seen most of these movies. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.

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Texts from Last Week

My friends crack me up. Below, a few highlights from last week (in no particular order- without identifying anyone)

  • “I have this new group of dumb girls who I secretly hate but they love to party. I’ll bring you.”
  • “Why would you speak such horrors? If I look and it’s true I’m gonna have to kill you bc I love him and found him sexy.”

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  • “There’s a man on the Airtran who must be at least 80% Viking.” (it included the picture. it was true.)
  • “The lady at the hair salon gave me birth control pills to pour in my shampoo. I don’t know if that truly works, but I did it.”
  • “As I feel like shit emotionally, I look at myself in the mirror and look just as bad. So I got my ass up, got a blow out and did my eyebrows. Had to pick a struggle. Can’t be sad and ugly.”

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  • “Why do we say such weird things on What Would I Say bahaha are we that weird?”
  • “I just saw your fireman!” [ed note- I do not have a fireman.]
  •  “Also in my dreams mama was telling me ‘ugh I love Shannelie shes so zen and great I want to be more like her.’”

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  • “This is why I think doctors are bologna”
  • “A winky face is emoji porn I died”
  • “We’re drifting apart. You and I and our media references.”

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  • “People, gas went down 6 pesos last week and now XX is getting married. The last days are here. REPENT.

           That wasn’t for you.”

  • “This place is full of young European, Australian and American bankers who have good working hours and are looking for good occidental lovers because they’re tired of Chinese women. Don’t move here because you’ll end up getting married quicker than you can say ‘Panama.’”

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  • “I AM ALSO EATING GUACAMOLE RIGHT NOW”
  • “Pippa can bite me.”
  • “Going into a face treatment. Out for a while. Love you!”

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I think I may actually be in love.

Este amigo se sienta a tocar su piano al aire libre los domingos por la mañanita en Madison Square Park, cuando el día está lindo. Es todo sonrisas y felicidad mientras toca. Enserio lo amo.

If anyone knows him, send him my way.

Is that what we’d call meta?

As often happens with the best things in life, it started with The Great Gatsby and Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake’s soothing voice narrated my first ever audiobook this summer, and since then I became obsessed with having people read me things instead of having to read them myself. It’s weird, I know. 

But in comes Audible to save the day. I get a credit per month to buy audiobooks and listen to people read to me. I’ve discovered that the voice is all that matters, and they’re waaaay better when the author does the reading. Two I’ve really liked (besides Jake, of course) were Tina Fey’s Bossypants and Meg Jay’s The Defining Decade

At the moment, I’m deep into Patti Smith’s Just Kids. It really is a fascinating story, and you learn as much about Patti and Robert as you do about New York City. Her descriptions are so raw and real that I often wonder if I could expose such personal things or even allow myself to remember them. 

The other day I was telling my friend about it and told her how it’s sometimes difficult to understand Patti’s accent, because she says Mondy instead of Monday, and drawlings instead of drawings and I didn’t know if that was a word or if she actually meant drawings but was just saying it in a funny way. 

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24 YC: Be friendly to a stranger in the elevator…24 times

Dear Jules definitely struck a cord with her challenge. Being friendly to a stranger in the elevator is not the easiest thing to do- besides the limited time window, the general disinterest, the complexity of opening lines and the very real possibility of failure- I AM HORRIBLE WHEN IT COMES TO HUMAN INTERACTION. Seriously, I’m just too weird to pull it off properly. 

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My mother put it best when she said I’m more of an acquired taste. It takes a long time for me to warm up to people enough to have a decent conversation with them and even longer for them to understand my humor. So being friendly to 24 strangers ain’t gonna be easy. But of course, I’ll try. Here goes:

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