AND THE ACADEMY AWARD GOES TO

image

If you know me at all, you know that I take the Oscars very seriously. Drinking games, betting pools, gowns to be judged, good looking people and lots of champagne. These are a few of my favorite things…

Last year, I guessed all the major categories correctly- including Lee and more importantly, ARGO.

So without further ado, here are my predictions for this year. Disclaimer: I have not seen most of these movies. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.

Read More

Texts from Last Week

My friends crack me up. Below, a few highlights from last week (in no particular order- without identifying anyone)

  • “I have this new group of dumb girls who I secretly hate but they love to party. I’ll bring you.”
  • “Why would you speak such horrors? If I look and it’s true I’m gonna have to kill you bc I love him and found him sexy.”

image

  • “There’s a man on the Airtran who must be at least 80% Viking.” (it included the picture. it was true.)
  • “The lady at the hair salon gave me birth control pills to pour in my shampoo. I don’t know if that truly works, but I did it.”
  • “As I feel like shit emotionally, I look at myself in the mirror and look just as bad. So I got my ass up, got a blow out and did my eyebrows. Had to pick a struggle. Can’t be sad and ugly.”

image

  • “Why do we say such weird things on What Would I Say bahaha are we that weird?”
  • “I just saw your fireman!” [ed note- I do not have a fireman.]
  •  “Also in my dreams mama was telling me ‘ugh I love Shannelie shes so zen and great I want to be more like her.’”

image

  • “This is why I think doctors are bologna”
  • “A winky face is emoji porn I died”
  • “We’re drifting apart. You and I and our media references.”

image

  • “People, gas went down 6 pesos last week and now XX is getting married. The last days are here. REPENT.

           That wasn’t for you.”

  • “This place is full of young European, Australian and American bankers who have good working hours and are looking for good occidental lovers because they’re tired of Chinese women. Don’t move here because you’ll end up getting married quicker than you can say ‘Panama.’”

image

  • “I AM ALSO EATING GUACAMOLE RIGHT NOW”
  • “Pippa can bite me.”
  • “Going into a face treatment. Out for a while. Love you!”

image